Anatomy of a Race-Ready Vehicle

This is one of Bmullane's best moves,
I just love it

Back in action!  It was another solid week here in P-town.  Much to everyone’s delight, it rained just a hair less than constantly, which was nice.  Still did a lot of running in the mud and biking indoors though, both of which I love.  Plus, it’s been sunny when it counts: the weekends!  Last weekend we had a wonderful glimpse of spring, so I headed to the coast for an overnighter with friend, roommate and training partner Bmullane.  He’s one of those crazy ultrarunner types, so basically, he’s nuts.  He has a great blog too, and will probably describe his weekend in more detail here.  Did some adventuring and managed to squeeze in a great ride on the coastal roads.  This weekend is shaping up to be equally nice, with some trail running and a Belgian beerfest on tap.  Should be good!

Ok, so training updates aside, I know this is the post you’ve all been waiting for.  After reading about my race schedule, the burning question that has probably been keeping you all up at night: how are you ever going to get to all those races Andrew?

The answer, in most cases: my beautiful minivan Claire, a.k.a. the Silver Bullet!

Claire is a 2000 Chrysler Town & Country, which is pretty self-explanatory really.  It means she is equally at home in the town & the country.  I live in the town, but at any time I can drive out to the country without hesitation, so it’s basically a win-win.  And why is she called Claire?  First and foremost, that is just a great name for a car that looks and drives like a minivan, but has the personality of a fiery-breathing roadster.  Also, I bought Claire from my Uncle Bert when I was in college up at Gonzaga.  My cousin Lauren went to Santa Clara University – a rival school in our conference – so the car came with a big Santa Clara sticker on it, which I never really tried to get off and really pissed off all my friends.  After catching flack about it for probably the 100^th time, I finally cracked and just said, “You know what?  Time to embrace this!  I’m naming the car after the school!”  So the car was dubbed ‘St. Claire,’ or just Claire for short.  It’s beautiful.  Here she is at the campground last weekend.

I evaluate cars in basically the same format as everyone else in the world.  It comes down to three main criteria: functionality, price, and style.  I’ll start with…

1). Functionality: Does the car do what I want it to?

For me that means occasionally hauling around 10 dudes.  Fortunately Claire has me covered there.  Here she is in full people-mover mode.  Not bad.

What you can't see is the amble trunk space, easily enough room for an additional 3 tough dudes

But it also means carrying me and all my gear to triathlons, and when needed, doubling as a hotel room.  Claire’s got me covered there too.  Here she is in tri mode.  Gotta love it!

1. Oregon beer: never leave home without it
2. Sleeping bag and pad: nothing more important than a warm bed and a roof over your head
3. Bag and cooler: clothes, gear, and enough food for 40 men
4. Motor oil and funnel: Claire has a dirty habit, she burns a little oil, so I carry extra to keep her happy
5. Bryan's fair face: if you look closely you can see half of Bmullane's enchanting face
6. Command center: where all the big driving and playlist decisions are made
7. Atlas: old-fashioned, but always a good decision
8. Bike: fits inside nicely, with very little assembly/reassembly required
9. Helmet and shoes: dramatization - I don't sleep with those shoes that close to my head

Not shown: camp stove, wetsuit, whiskey

2). Price: For me, it’s less about the actual cost, and more about a ratio.  Specifically, the car value/bike value ratio.

This is as simple as it sounds: how much you paid for your car divided by how much you paid for your bike.  Countless scientific papers, original pieces of literature, chapters from economics and anthropology textbooks, sonnets, ballads and haikus have been written on this issue, the legendary “golden ratio of vehicular acumen.”  I’ll spare you all the research – the number to strive for is 0.85.  I define the following zones for your own cost analysis.  See where you fit in:

• 0-0.2      You probably don’t have a car.
• 0.2-0.4   If you do have a car, I’m assuming it’s at least 20 years old and in rough shape.  For safety reasons, you probably shouldn’t drive it.
• 0.4-0.6   If you are driving your car, keep a fire extinguisher in the passenger seat.
• 0.6-0.8   Personally, I really respect and applaud owners in this bracket, but your significant others night not be so impressed, or agree with your priorities.
• 0.8-1.0   Dual-car-and-bike-owner nirvana.  You have achieved balance.
• 1.0-1.2   Not bad, but you should consider putting some money into your bike to skew that ratio down a bit.  Fear not, there is no shortage of viable upgrades.
• 1.2-1.4   Your priorities are way, way out of line.
• 1.4-1.6   We should probably sit down over coffee and have a frank discussion about values and spending habits.  Come talk to me.
• 1.6-2.0   I hope your car costs at least 20 grand.  Which means you still have a killer bike.
• 2.0 +      You have my permission to buy a new bike.  Which means you should probably donate your old one to an aspiring young triathlete… if you catch my drift.

I’ll use my situation as an example.  Although it seems soulless to put a price tag on the perfect chord struck between utility, economy, and pure beauty, the blue book tells me Claire is worth about $2500.  I bought my bike three years ago for ~$3300.  Plus a few upgrades, minus a few years’ depreciation, I could probably get about $2300 for the Black Stallion now.  That puts my ratio at $2500/$2300 = 1.09, which is right in the wheelhouse.  And if I was to take my own advice, I just gave myself an excuse to buy some race wheels…

3). Style

I don’t think I need to write much here.  I mean, Claire is a beautiful silver minivan.  You should see her shining in the sun on a warm summer day, cruising down NW 23^rd here in Portland with the windows down.  People on the street stop what they’re doing, heads turn, mouths open, I hear cat-calls… as I roll up to soccer practice and a herd of shin-guard wearing 10-year olds jumps out.  Not a bad visual, right?  It’d look something like this:

So there you have it, a stout vessel indeed.  Looking forward to spending a considerable amount of time with Claire this summer as we traverse the ~6800 miles to all of my races.  And I love company, so if you're down for a roadtrip let me know.

That’s all for now.  Be well!

Andrew